Ubuntu 11.10 finally jumped the shark.

Well, its been a good run, Ubuntu. Your wonderful software repositories will always hold a special place in my heart. But with the newest update, feature bloat has made all of your default programs nearly unusable, your startup time has gone from 5 to nearly 30 seconds and your unity interface, while promising, is so slow and convoluted that it is nearly unusable. The new “software portal” is all about a shiny interface and expensive applications. This is no longer a linux machine, but rather a small boy on the playground trying to play in a realm that is way out of reach, and for good reason. If you can get your resource management under control, I will come back, until then.

Notes on an underwhelming year.

its been a year since I moved back to Asheville and I regret it immensely. As it is now that i have a decent job, and no real destination, it looks like I will be stuck here for a while longer. Where does all the time go? I am going to be twenty three years old, and while that may still be young, its not as young as 17 was, obviously.

Stepping back a bit, it has not been the worst year imaginable. I hiked, I camped, I was able to love and be loved. I learned how to make coffee for very picky, snobby people. I am actually impressed with my own cooking ability from time to time.

I do not wake up in strange places with wonderful scenery. I wake to drudgery and claustrophobic mountain ranges. My heart does not soar off to the horizon beckoning me, rather it sits rather immobile in my stomach. Rarely am I filled with love and wonderment of the world around me, or at least not to the degree I feel I should be, because it is all quite amazing. My mind is free of pondering how mollusks interpret music, and replaced with pondering how much money I will have at the end of the month.

I came here to learn a trade, and perhaps do a bit of working before finding something else to do. Its not the right time to cut my losses, but I cannot wait until it is.

I already demand to be constantly challenged by the world. I just need a way to constantly challenge myself.

groveling naked, unashamed.

the most insidious part of poverty is the insecurity and self loathing that will invariably come along with it.  this is hard to explain to those who have not felt it, but its not a pity party or one feeling sorry for themselves, at least not initially, rather it is the culmination of nasty and sidelong glances,  shop keeper sticking their noses in the air at your presence, children viewing you as the culmination of a life time of poor decisions.  The feeling of isolation and total destruction is paralyzing. You view the world not as a society, but as a den of savages, where only the most vicious can rise to the top. Millions of people who have labeled themselves millions of unremarkable names, and hardly and Empathy, Compassion, or even Apathy amongst them.  I would love it for people to be truly apathetic, but alas.  And after days, months or years of these sidelong glances and nervous shifting and terrified eyes, these things manifest themselves in the damned without him even being aware of the changes himself.  Suddenly, a once friendly transient finds himself alone in a world that has consistently seeked to destroy his method of existence, to destroy him. He feels this, and he knows this. There is nothing to love, love was kicked to the curb a lifetime ago, an evolutions oddity, an emotion whose end point in self destruction.  Instead he finds solace in substance, and who is to blame him? Love is an emotion brought about by molecules so whats the harm of feeling the same and not having the terrible retribution of the Gods afterwards.  And after enough of this man will be consumed by The Fear, a horrible brew of self loathing, loathing, bottled anger, bottles and a genuine fanatical fear of all things.

I write all of that just to pose the question of what the fuck is wrong with all these seemingly marvelous creatures that makes them so fucking nasty.

Random Diary Excerpt.

J 12,10

no id=no paycheck.  this is bullshit.  the ability for someone to live simply free from interruption or coercion from a madman with a gun and a small penis are coming to an end or gone already, i cant tell which.  Perhaps I am lucky not to know any better.

[…]

yet again my ability to communicate successfully with the masses has disappeared or perhaps I never had it back or had it in the first place.  the two latter choices are by far the most probable.   done talking for a while regardless.

Is it really such a bad thing that I have no interest in television and movies and other bullshit that does nothing but soften the mind and resolve of a human being?  Taking the most powerful creature to arise from the ooze and turning into the most submissive.  I will not be responsible for doing that to myself.  Also, so what if I have no interest in ejecting my views on sexuality into a public forum.  Whats the point of discussing who sucked dick with more gusto or who fucked more dramatically and slovenly.

Today is September 23. The year is 63143718ac

Lets see.  I have been in Flagstaff AZ for quite a while now.  Hostel life is interesting.  I see fresh new faces from all over the world everysingle day.  And 90% of the people that come here are young and happy to be traveling.  I really do not know why I am putting this online for everyone to see.  I guess I am just bored.

21 more days till I leave here and begin my journey further west to California and Hawaii.  I have high hopes, but some slight concerns.  Mostly because the image of me loading myself into a catapult and being shot at hawaii is scary, and pretty accurate.  So, I suppose thats all really.

Ooh, ooh. I fell out of a tree and now my elbow is a wonderful shade of blurple.  Actually, it matches the shirt I am wearing perfectly.  If anyone is actually reading this, you must enjoy pain and sorrow, so while you are here can you reccomend me any new blues music?  That would be fantastic.

Have a good day, world.

Who is Belton Sutherland?

To start, Belton Sutherland appears to have been a jazz musician, that is all I know.

Well, Its been a long night. And a long week at that.  However I was up all night last night trying to figure out who Belton Sutherland is.  I could only find one clip on youtube. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vo87d-blXg0) and then. Nothing. No wikipedia, and a google search for his name revealed… The same clip over and over again.  I dont know who this guy is, but I have listened to that 1 minute long clip for almost an hour now, its that good.  Anyways. That is all.

Box.net really, really sucks

First off. The page is an Ajax mess.  That is.  Well, Terribly confusing to use.

The upload functions dont seem to work for .flac files, which is what I keep the music I want to save in a backup anyways.

Oh. And its slow as hell. Slowww. Asss. Hell.

edit:just to let everyone know, dropbox is way better.  no they are not paying me.